but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
