she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
