Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
