i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
FUCK WHALES
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
