birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
