i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
