Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
