Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize