Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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