I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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