i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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