her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
