Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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