Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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