Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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