I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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