guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
