she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
