Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
