you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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