You can't motorboat a personality
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
