What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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