omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
