Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
