What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
