Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
