Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
