I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
