Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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