Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
love makes seman taste better
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Randomize
