I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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