i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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