Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
