we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
