It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
