So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
