Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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