I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
