So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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