ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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