I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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