just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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