dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
