i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
