I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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