I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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