WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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