i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
