thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
