Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
