Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize