I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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