I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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