you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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