is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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