Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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