Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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