Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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