walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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