You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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