farters have to be the big spoon...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
