I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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