The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
