I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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