JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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