I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
