so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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