You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
