I think I died a long time ago.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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