Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
