I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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