party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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