you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
